Destination: The Rainbow
I leave for gorgeous South Africa tonight. My insides are a twisted mass of nervous excitement. Nervous because I have a feeling I will find out certain truths there. And excitement because it's one of my favourite countries.

Affectionately dubbed 'Rainbow Nation' by Desmond Tutu (to describe its post-apartheid multiethnic nature), SA holds only the most beautiful, technicoloured memories for me. I can't wait to return; to hop into the arms of dear friends, sip the best wine on the planet under a brilliant sunset, make new friends, scour the colourful flea markets, sip coffee al fresco, feast my eyes on the rugged coastline, warm cold hands over countless barbecue pits and live like blue skies last forever.

I'll catch you in two weeks!

Of Certainty & Flying

"If you forsake a certainty for an uncertainty, you will lose both the certainty and uncertainty."

I asked Serendipity, one of my favourite bloggers, what she thought of this phrase.

She replied, "Well, if you jump off a cliff, one of two things will happen - you will either land with both feet on the ground or you will learn to fly."

Some people are too wise for their own good!

Air Head, Earth Feet

I've been feeling like a feather in the wind for the past few days. Rising, dipping, twirling and floating to an erratic rhythm I can neither grasp nor comprehend. Snatching gulps of air when the tempo slows, holding my breath when it accelerates, praying that the when this mad dance finally draws to an end I will be striking the right pose.

A new friend said, "When everything around you is moving, stand still." At the time, it made absolute sense. Now, standing still feels passive, cowardly and maddeningly lethargic. So I keep moving. And with each movement, the knot I'm trying to untangle gets worse.

Yesterday, as I was experimenting with different sequences for my evening class, I suddenly felt a pull towards a grounding sequence. Whether it was I or my students who needed it more, I was didn't know. What I did know is that the squence felt right.

As I guided my students into Virabhadrasana I (Warrior I), Parsvottanasana (Intense Side Stretch), Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II) and Trikonasana (Triangle), I listened to the words that flowed out of my mouth.

"Press your feet into the ground and feel the stability and support beneath it."
"Stretch your hands up to the ceiling, feel your spine growing long and strong."
"Create space around your chest, allow it to open."
"Feel peace, strength and confidence in the asana."
"Let your body melt into the asana. Slowly. Gently."
"Don't push to far. Listen to your body. Honour it."
"It's ok if you can't do the complete asana today. The most important thing is that you're aspiring to do it."
"Use your strengths, respect your weaknesses."

The dizzying dance slowed a little after that class. My feet are touching ground now. And I know all could be well in my world if I just stopped moving.

DUKHA

Don't push too far

Your dreams are china in your hands

Don't wish too hard

Because they may come true

And you can't help them

You don't know what you might
Have set upon yourself
China in your hands

Another Step Forward

I turned 29 today.

Leading up to today, family and friends had teased me, saying, "Oooh, you're closer to the big 3 now! Just one more year before you join us and then there's no turning back." They made 30 sound like the Bermuda Triangle and today, my high spirits suddenly slipped on the dark carpet of cynicism that they had generously spread out. But before my optimism could splatter inelegantly at my feet, I turned around to look at the road I had been walking on for the past 29 years.

Years 1-12 were residing behind a silvery veil. I couldn't see them but I remembered the bits and pieces that made me happy, and that was enough for me. Years 13-18 were shrouded in a cloak of blackness, one that I vowed to never pull off. Years 19-22 involved many valleys. Year 23 began with an ascent up a mountain and from then on, I've been standing on its peak. The person I was those many years ago, is a shadow of who I am today. And for that I am deeply grateful.

Struggling to find myself at the age of 25, exhausted from the burden of mistakes and trying desperately to keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel, I decided that I would be kinder to myself. I would allow my twenties to be an era of discovery, mistakes and experiments. But by the time I hit 30, I must know who I am and be comfortable with that. And I have met that deadline...a whole year ahead of time. :) I bought many presents for myself this yea, but that realisation was the best of the lot.

I'm going to celebrate my 29th year of life by pouring more heart and soul into living. By giving more love, indulging in worry less, letting go of more, trusting the universe and myself more, cherishing more and living the most authentic life I possibly can.

The Healer took me to see her Tibetan Buddhist guru, who is down from Nepal, for blessings today. I didn't feel anything at the time, but now, I feel a different energy surging through me. And the voice within says change is in the cards and the best part is yet to come.

So for now, all is well in my world.