All The Way Back - The Sequel

Dear Other Backs,

If someone told you that the mutiny you so carefully planned had, in fact, nothing to do with you, how would you feel? Robbed, betrayed, livid? Good. Then we're on the same page here.

It all started...or should I say, ended...with the Osteopath. We unloaded so much of our woes on her that she wound up very concerned about our condition. After two sessions, she recommended that The Resident come in for a consultation and treatment with her colleague, a French dude.

Frenchy asked The Resident the usual questions, then prodded us very gently and remarked, "Wow, zat is really hard." Well spotted, my boy.

Then he asked, "Has anyone worked on your diaphragm before?"

If we had eyes, we would have rolled them. Diaphragm? This was a quack for sure. Diaghragm had nothing to do with it. It was all our ingenuity. We waited for him to shame-facedly admit his mistake but instead he said, "Your stomach and kidneys are very traumatised."

Now his involving Kidney as well? Unbelievable.

Then he gently dug his fingers into The Residents stomach and the pain that shot up made her cry out in surprise. A little more pressing and Stomach began pouring its guts out to him. She told him how she had been suffering for so many years (coincidentally it was the same number of years that we were assaulting The Resident) in trying to balance out the pH level within her. She begged Frenchy to tell The Resident to abstain from coffee, alcohol, milk, iced lemon tea and spicy food.

You should have seen The Resident's face when Frenchy told her, "From now on coffee is forbidden ya". She actually sat upright, eyeballed him and said, "You're kidding right?"

So here's the story. The acidic content of coffee, alcohol and milk were wreaking havoc with stomach's pH levels. The resulted in Stomach trying to squeeze itself into a little ball and thus, pulling on Latissimus and gang to curve The Resident's body into a C, in order to protect itself.

We were chaffed! After all those slaps on the back, it turned out that we had nothing to do with The Resident's awakening. Well, we consoled ourselves, at least she's not angry at us anymore.

Frenchy worked on Stomach for a good hour, massaging and pressing down on the muscles. The stimulation even woke Duodenum up. By the time he was done, Diaphragm felt more at ease and Stomach felt like she had just been rolled over by a bulldozer. Latissimus and gang emitted sighs of relief too.

The next morning, The Resident rolled out of bed almost pain-free. Remarkable, but we'll all been through this false alarm before, so let's see.

So my friends, if The Resident is lucky, this could very well be the last post on this matter. I must warn you however, that the next few posts could be very antagonistic. Caffeine withdrawl symptoms.

I bid you adieu now and hopefully, forever!

Love,
The Resident's Back